Soooooo the reason I haven't written in forever is because I've been at home!!!!!!!
I left the hospital on Day +25 and today is Day +35 or 36...I've kinda lost track. Since I'm not blogging everyday (why, I will explain later) or getting my counts every morning I don't really keep up with how long I've been doing this stupid thing.
This stupid thing that has sucked ALL the life/energy out of me. It seems ironic that all the chemo and other crap that they put in my body was to save my life when now I feel like I'm dying every time I wake up! I'm sooooo tired all the time! Super common and to be expected this soon after. Even knowing this, I'm still PISSED. It really blows (yes, blows lol) to get winded from walking upstairs or showering. I can't do Anything I use to be able to. I can't even help around the house with regular things. It makes me so mad that I can't help my mom. She's a single mother that works full time then comes home to a useless 82 year old man and a worthless 19 year old Cancer survivor. So then she works full time at home too. She knows that I would help if I didn't get tired from being tired. It's just a sensitive area that makes me more annoyed then probably anyone else.
Anyway, that's all another matter. I'm trying my hardest to get through this time of exhaustion, itching, and pain. Oh yeah, being at home is not a bundle of roses. It's awesome! don't mistake but the fact that only 30 days ago my body was completely wiped with all of these toxic chemicals and is now being put back together again from the inside out does make things a little hard. I just have to deal with the fact that my skin is sensitive to freakin water pressure, my entire body itches CONSTANTLY, and that I have to be at least 33 different shades of brown (this one isn't that big-a-deal).
Trying to stay strong but it is very hard. When in doubt though I think about not wasting this wonderful bone marrow that I was lucky enough to receive. OH, about my bone marrow! I am 100% donor and it's engrafted 60% which is again amazing because usually by day 30 it's only about 30%. I am sooooo grateful that my bone marrow transplant has gone so wonderfully. I am sending all of my good energy and fortunate vibes to the 7th floor at The Children's Hospital.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Yay an update! How sweet of you to think of your mother and wishing you could do more. But the best thing you can do, is be. Get healthy and stay positive. I am sure you will help your mom out in the future when she needs you someday.
ReplyDeleteI got some spare positive vibes for ya, they are all yours now. My mother just beat lymphoma, after two battles of chemo with medications it came down to a bone marrow transfer (she too was her own donor). I'm happy to say she now has been clear for almost 5-6 months. As long as you keep positive and look foward to the wonderful full and exciting life that you have ahead of you everything will be great. Wish you all the best with you recovery I know how hard and sickining it can be sometime but you'll get through it!
ReplyDeleteYou have a wonderful blog here, I hope it's as therapeutic for you as it is for your readers.
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with how hard it is to let others care for you. Popular culture makes us think it will be an easy or clear choice when we need to let ourselves feel weak, but it's not. So much of who we think we are is jeopardized, but the trick is that people love you for who you are, not who you think you are.
Let yourself be whatever you are today whether it's strong, weak, sad, happy, frustrated, or inspired.
I'm rooting for you!
Thank you everyone for commenting. It means sooo much to me that people are actually reading and caring about things going on with me. It humbles me to know that my rambles are significant to other people.
ReplyDeleteAndrew-Give your mom a hug from me (even though you don't know me lol). I'm soooo happy that she is doing well. She rocks!
Thanks again everyone
Just found this blog randomly through reddit. Definitely you are doing well and taking the right outlook on this thing...you WILL beat this and are just at the beginning of a long journey.
ReplyDelete