Day +22 & 23

ANC 1027-->1435.5

I actually don't feel like blogging about these days.  I don't know why!  They were good days.  Even fun and relaxing.  I just don't really have anything to say about them... 

You know, that may be a good thing.  They weren't anymore exciting than any other day.  No need to tell the world about an ordinary day.  I was just like everyone else.  That's a beautiful thing that we take for granted.  Boring days!  Not all of us are lucky enough to have a day that no one cares about.  I enjoyed my days of unimportance.  Enjoy yours!

I'm going home day +25!!!!!!!!!

I'll blog about that later I suppose.  The day after Halloween will be pretty wicked sweet.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +21

ANC 1210
WBC 2.2
RBC 3.62
Hemoglobin 11.2
Plt Ct 30
ABS # 0.3

I feel 100%!!!  Today was a nice ZEN day.  I felt like I was staying at a monastery more than a hospital.  I took time in my morning to eat a balanced breakfast.  Watched a little TV.  Stretched and meditated for a few hours.  And read my book. 

Very chill day which I ended with "Malice in Wonderland" (a modern London twist on Alice) and several episodes of "South Park."  I can't help it. I love that show.  Plus it goes sooo well with peanut m&m's at two in the morning. 

That was my day.  Yeah, that's it.  I'm not going to lie.  I enjoy my relaxing zen days.  All I had to do was concentrate on me and my health and what helps make me happy.  I think more people should have days like this.  I have now dubbed them Buddha monastery days-inspired by "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips."  Thanks Kris Carr! 

Enjoy days when you do things that make you happy for as long as you want.  You don't think you should lie on a mat and listen to music for 2 1/2 hours.  There are more important things you could be doing?  Foo-ey!  At that time, meditating in your own way is the most important thing you can do for your well being and health.  Right now I have the freedom to do this but I really believe everyone should take time out and have some monastery time.  Quiet your mind and enjoy the life you are living!


zen circle

 Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +20

Yes, it has been that long already!
But look at this progress!!!

ANC 1386!!!!!!!
WBC 2.1
RBC 3.69
Hemoglobin 11.4
Plt Ct 47
ABS # 0.3

These numbers are soooo important to me! If everything stays just like this/better I am going home MONDAY!!!  This makes me incredibly happy and extremely nervous all at the same time.  I want to go to my couch and my kitchen and my room soooooo badly I can taste it.  But I do not want anything jeopardized with my health. Thinking about that....I had visitors today.

Soooooo I have this family you know.  And they're crazy anyway.  Today one of the crazy members (my aunt-in-law, that's how I feel about her) decided to come by my room at 8 o clock in the morning.  Not the best time to visit someone and not the best time to see them for the first time in probably years.  Yeah, we're all really close...
So initially I thought the gesture was nice.  Even when people only appear when you're sick, they are at least still appearing.  But no!  She's a moron and thought that the first visit this morning was okay so she came back a few hours later with my cousin who just had knee surgery-meaning, he was in a dirty wheelchair that was pushed into my isolation room.  And, to top all of this off.  In BMT you have a list of up to 6 people because they don't want too many people/too many germs coming back and forth.

They are not on my list nor have ever been!!!!

We were not happy with the hospital today.  I was freakin out because they are not the most germ friendly people and I will be sooooo pissed if I get something from them that keeps me from going home.  That kinda messed up my mood for the rest of the morning.  I got food in me though and wasn't as moody.

Later, my mother and I had a long talk with the doctor about getting the house ready for me to move back into.  This process is pretty much ridiculous!  There are soooooo many things we have to do and change.  This was around the time I had a mental breakdown.  It was a lot to take in you know.  I don't even feel like me anymore sometimes.  My face is different and I don't have very much of my own bone marrow and my freakin birth mark disappeared.  Yeah, how weird is that.  It's been there since I was born and now its 10% of what it was. 

It honestly is a lot for a person's mind to digest.  BMT has taken my former life and flipped it on its ear.  Nothing is the same and it won't be for up to a year.  It's just something I have to deal and come to terms with.  Imagine that though.  To have your entire life, the life you know and love and are use to, completely revamped by people looking in from the outside.  It's hard but I will deal and make it through this little thump in my life.  

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**  

Haven't written in a good while

Soooooo that fever that was suppose to go away more than a week ago....It Didn't!

I had that stupid fever for 5 days!!!!!

It took it completely out of me.  And my ANC.  It went from 973 to 520 to 210 to 181!!!  That sucked a lot.  Thank God it's back up now.
ANC 658
WBC 1.4
RBC 3.26
Hemoglobin 10.1
Plt Ct 34
ABS # 0.4

So I'm happy everything is going up now.  Do you know what that means???  They are thinking about discharging me this week!

Excellent news for me of course, mom on the other hand is tweeked hard.  She wanted to have the house completely redone before I got home but I'm a fast healer I suppose.  My mother being my mother, decided to go above and beyond the norm for house maintenance after BMT.  She decided to switch our rooms all together since mine collected more dust.  She also wants to take out the celling fan, repaint the walls with hypo-allergenic paint, have hypo-allergenic curtains made and install a Hepa filter.  This is all doable of course...but I don't know how doable it all is in like 3 days!

But she's awesome and will figure something out.  All that really needs to be done is to have the ducts cleaned so I'm not breathing in dusty air.  Then I can go home!!!!  I wish I could help her move and do all this stuff but that kinda defeats the whole purpose.  She's such an independent little woman.  I really just want someone (sure if it's a big burly man) to jump in and do everything for her.  That would make things soooo much easier. 

I will keep you updated since there will be no more fevers in my future!

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +7 8 9

My ANC is kicking ass: 105, 98.7, 68.2

Yet....

 I have had a fever of around 104 degrees for the last 3 days.  Yeah, MISERABLE!  After all of that awesomeness on Wednesday, my body decided to betray me.  Everything is achy and I'm shivering like I'm in the Arctic.  Not fun at all.  This is the first time I've been conscious enough to write.  I hope tomorrow will be better.  If it's any indication tonight, I think the fever is gone.  Now I will try and eat and feel a little bit better.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +6

ANC 28.6!!!!  Day 6 and it's already going up
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 40
ABS # 0.1

Nurses: Deb (a.m.)  Very nice older woman.  Woke me up like a pro, super kind.
Andrea (p.m.)  Sweetheart!  We watch "Dating in the Dark" together.

Woke up feeling fabulous!  Had a very nice sleep.  I put on music and started dancing and singing at 10.  After my breakfast of pancakes and bacon (which was surprisingly good)  I decided it would be a great day to get a workout in.  I got all suited up and went out to the bike.  My thighs were burning and I was loving it!  When I came back to my room, my doctors snuck up behind me.  Clearly they could see I was doing just fine.  Of course, because they're doctors, they didn't make a big deal about my ANC.  Quote: It could be 2 tomorrow.  Whatever doctors!

Those wonderful words of reassurance didn't hinder my mood at all.  I went back to eating my after workout snack--Apple Turnover.  I still felt 1000% percent so I listened to music read and made a ton of jewelry.  Of course, the listening to music wasn't complete without dancing like a maniac!  I just felt soooooo good that I was doing belly dance moves I didn't know I knew.  I broke a sweat I was dancing so much!  So worth it though.

I concluded my day with Xmen a hot apple turnover and a warm blanket.  Ahhh.

Until Next time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +5

ANC 7.1
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 22
ABS # 0.1

Nurses: Courtney (a.m.) Sweetheart!
Ron (p.m.) Weirdo Spaz...nice enough though. Really loud for night shift however, ugh.

Lazy day.  Well for me.  I woke up and watched Rachel Ray.  I wasn't torturing myself per say but watching the food was beautiful pain.  I want a Salad sooooo bad!!!!!  I talked to the doctors of course and everyone is soooo happy that I am doing soooo well.  I'm pretty happy about it too.

Next, I showered, ate, stretched, talked to Tommi and watched "The Big C" (wonderful show about Laura Linney being diagnosed with Cancer.  Sound familiar?)  Just as my day was concluding nicely, I received platelets.

Bad Idea!

I had an allergic reaction to them.  Got super itchy and couldn't stop coughing.  Kinda scary!  Luckily, Children's had the CUTEST doctor on call last night.  I am such a girl!  I'm having an allergic reaction and coughing my lungs out yet I still find myself able to grin huge and giggle when he comes in the room.  RIDICULOUS!  He was so goofy too.  He kept making jokes about being cool like Bob Marley.  Made him even CUTER!!!

Anyway, when I woke up from my dose of Benadryl and Hydrocotozon I was in such a bad mood.  I guess I was just groggy or something but no one could do anything right.  Plus, no one did!  It took my nurse 25 minutes to come into my room and get the machine that was beeping.  He didn't have his phone! And, I had the shitty CA again that is loud and oblivious.  She also had the nerve to erase stuff on my white board to write her name up there.  No one else has done that!!!  Everyone else respects the fact that I had the crap on my freakin board for a freakin reason.

Not happy last night!

I slept awesome though!!!  Watched a crappy but cute movie with Queen ("Just Wright"), watched some "Cold Case" that reminded me of my life and fell asleep unbothered for the moment.  Nice!

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +4

ANC 10 (It didn't actually go up, it just does that. This is the same as 0)
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.15
Hemoglobin 10.4
Plt Ct  36
ABS # 0.1

Nurse: Courtney (a.m.) She's been here since the beginning. I love her! She preggers too. Due in November! She's like a sweet tiny mom. <3
Kerri (p.m.) Giant women. Not awful but not great.

Epic morning!  I woke up feeling like gold.  I took my meds and was out the door (pole and all).  I warmed myself an apple turnover with a side of colby cheese.  I was feeling very French lol.  I made my bed and set up post in the chair with the windows wide open.  It was beautiful! 

Then, my docs came in and we all laughed and talked about how good I'm doing!!  Dr. Q even made a joke this morning.  I was telling him how I was changing colors...oh yes, that happens back here.  All the places of rubbing or really sensitive skin get darker.  Sooooo, I'm a nice little semi sweet back here.  I was telling him that I was getting so black and he chuckled and reminded me I came in here black lol



This is not funny. Just appropriate.

Then, Dr.Q suggested that I take part in a new study of hypnosis for BMT patients.  There is a doctor that comes in and implements hypnosis training to BMT patients to help them cope with all the shit that is going on.  In the regular treatment, the doctor would teach the patients how to get themselves to a hypnotized meditative state 6-8 weeks before their actual transplant so they could know how to do it when they needed it.  My doctors thought that since I was doing such a great job coping and handling everything right now I could almost test it out for future patients. 

I am sooooo happy that I can still contribute and make a difference while going through this! 

After that, I went on about my day.  Meditated, did yoga, ate lots of food, read my book.  All in all, it was an extremely good day!  Awesomeness!

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**



Day +3

ANC 8.5
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.24
Hemoglobin 10.8
Plt Ct 53 (transfusion)
ABS # 0.1

Nurses: My mom thought it would be good to keep track of the nurses I have through this experience/recovery.  I really didn't care to keep track but why not.  Some are terrible, others=excellent.

• Amy (a.m.) Nurse with me through Transplant! Awesome rocker chick. Cool gravaly voice. Fun to talk to.
• Kristin (p.m.^2) Nurse from the old hospital. Genuinely nice and really funny. Jokes with me like one of the gals
• Ann (a.m.) Robot Nurse! She was extremely perky but there was no kind of pulse what-so-ever.

Yesterday: Katie (a.m.) Cool red head girl. Seems kinda mmh at first but turns out to be awesome. Loves Johnny as much as me!

Jenny (p.m.) I swear her voice calls deer and robins to fold her laundry. Super sweet girl. Just kind and attentive. She was with me the night I was pulling off my skin so she automatically awesome.

Now, my day.  I felt 120% yesterday.  I woke and lounged in bed, not because I felt like shit but because it was Sunday and I could do that.  It was nice.  I watched tv read and surfed the web all under the covers. Very relaxing.  After a while I ordered a mondo sandwich! 3 slices of ham, 2 slices of chedder, and 2 slices of swiss.  I still have not lose my appetite!!!

Tommi came by and we chit chatted.  She isn't an abnoxious shirk so I like just talking to her even though now all she talks about is "Lucy."  Her adorable eccetric 4 year old daughter.  It's okay though, it doesn't make me feel awful that I can't have kids lol but yeah, I know, heavy shit. 

When my mom came back, we were suppose to have a nice little movie night.  She bought me apple trun-overs and Chicago.  That's a good night for me! She feel asleep at 9:15.  I feel sooo bad sometimes.  I know she is working herself into a dither trying to do everything.  She's switching and redoing my room at the house while staying here with me everynight while waking up at 5 to go to work everyday.  It's on my life list.  I am treating her to a full spa day whenever I have the funds to do so.  I'm going to take her on a trip and thank her for every single thing she is doing and has done for me.  I'm getting all teary writing it.  She is just soo soooo epic and I love her with all my heart!!!

You know cause another thing, a lot of people wouldn't even be strong enough to stay with me through all of this.  I'm not saying any names because I'm not angry with the people but they are kinda assholes and don't deserve any title I once awarded them (b with 1 and 2 f's).  My mother is the strongest person I know and I appreciate that everyday!

Now I'm just all sappy so Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +2

ANC 35.8
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.44
Hemoglobin 11.5
Plt Ct 29
ABS# 0.1

See, I told you they would get lower.  And I totally felt it.  I was literally asleep from 11:30 to 6 yesterday.  That's okay though.  I guess my body really needed the rest.  So I continued doing just that.  I was also kinda sick to my stomach so I made big use of ginger ale and granola bars.  That was my exciting day.  The End.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day +1

So this is what I'm going to start all my plus days with while in the hospital.  The only reason I'm still here is to play this stupid waiting game with the blood cells in my body so I will chart how they are going here:
ANC 280  Acute Nuetrophil Count. The higher this number, the more my body can fight off infection, the sooner I can go back to my regular life.  Most people's are in the 50,000's so I have a way to go.  Oh, and it's definitely going to get lower as time goes on.
White Blood Count 0.3  Soooo low.  Normal is between 4.0-10.5.  This will also get lower.
Red Blood Count 3.11  Normal is 4.20-5.40.
Hemoglobin 10.3  Normal is between 13.5-18.0.  This is actually always kinda low for me so this is good.  
Plt Ct 40   Good but not very good.  Normal 150-500.
Segmented Nuetrophils (ABS #) 0.2  This one is still new to me but I know when it is high, it means I can go around people aka large groups.  But it's not, and it won't be for a long while! But that's okay-I can deal.  High is between 1.5-6.6!!!

Soooo, those are my numbers.  Those are actually pretty good, especially one day after transplant.  They will fall and that will suck but then they'll come up and that will be great.  I'm sooooo profound.

Today was really good.  I woke up and talked to the doctors.  Everyone says I'm doing fine and my anxiety is the only thing that is becoming an issue so I'm trying to deal with that.  I cope with thinking too much with trying to not thinking at all.  I fill my days with other things.  Today:
-Shower
-Yoga
-Mediation
-Eating (a delicious ham sandwich)
-Little TV watching
-Drum playing (with obnoxious art therapist chick [I HATE shrinky people])
-Nap
-Movie watching
-More eating (salmon, broccoli, carrots, baked potato)

I'm soooo lucky I still have my appetite!

Now I'm going to hang out with my mom, talk, watch movies, and probably eat some more lol.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out** 

Translpant Day!!!

I have New Bone Marrow and  I feel like $1000 bucks!

The actual procedure took place at 11 am and the hours building up to that were full of anxiety and nerves.  I pushed through all the worry of all the things that "could" happen and came out on the other side a successful bone marrow transplant.

Really, I slept through most of it.  There was one at 11 and another one at 230.  I woke up around 3 and started getting back to listening to music and dancing and being me!!!

I was still really nervous about not doing well after this was done but was consoled by a nurse.  They say that the hardest part is usually the chemo beforehand.  That was extremely hard and now I've gotten through that so....

Now I am ready to just wait for my counts to come back up and me to keep myself busy in here.  I believe wholeheartedly that this is what will go down within...36 days.  We'll see.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day -1

You know that night before the first day of school feeling?  That was my feeling all day.  I was soooo happy to be down to day -1.  It meant it was actually happening.  It meant that sooner rather than later I would have my life back.  It meant that I had survived chemotherapy!

But was I done being sick?  That's my concern.  Have I made it through all the hard times now? Supposedly, after the transplant, I should be better.  Now, it would just be a waiting game...right?

I can't help but think about all the risks that come after the actual procedure.  That makes me super freakin nervous.  And so the night of Day -1 was pretty sleepless.

Until The Big Day, BMT Babe is out**

Day -2

I can't really remember anything but excruciating pain yesterday!!!!

1) Have you even eaten something extremely hot and it resounated thorugh your whole body?  Or have you had chile juices all over your body?  Or had fire ants bite you allover?

2) Have you ever had moscotties bite you hundreds of hundreds of times then rolled in itching powder?

I wouldn't except anyone who has not had ATG or Cyclosporine to understand the two above.  Well guess what...I felt both at the same time last night.

It started at 6 pm and didn't even disapate until 1 the next morning.

This is my hell!!!!!!!!!!  But I can't remember the rest of the night because I was HIGHLY drugged.  It was really insane.  Read about that adventure here:dilutedandme.com

I'm drugged again so....

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day -3

I woke up with a sore throat, bloated eyes, mouth pain, skin rash and cramps all over.  It was a great morning!!!

I had been shivering all through the night and woke up feeling like a piece of crap...A warmed over piece of crap.  But thanks to the power of Tylenol, Benadryl, Ativan, and Dilaudid I feel just fine.

Seriously, we HAVE to make more strides in cancer medicine!!! It's terrible that the stuff to help us hurts us so much first.  It's a horrible catch-22.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day -5 and -4

Wow yesterday was hard.  I'm pushing soooo hard to not just breakdown everyday but yesterday I couldn't help it.  I got a new chemo that's called Sytoxin (??).  Doesn't that even sound nasty!  I have to have a follie to go along with it too.  *If you don't know what a follie is, look it up.  I really don't feel like explaining it.

Yesterday, I was depressed... End of story. I did not write.  I barely talked.  This is really really hard.  But I know I can get through it if I stay myself (which does not include depression).

Today however, I'm sullen, not depressed.  But I have a great out for the afternoon.  I'm getting two chemo's and with them I'm getting Benadryl every 6 hours. 

Goodbye....

I'm going to be like that Koala again.

Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**

Day -6

I feel like crap.  I feel just fine.  I feel like crap.  I feel just fine.

That was my day!!!

My days are getting harder now but at least it's my last day of Busulfane!!!  Tomorrow I will start another chemo drug that hopefully won't wipe everything out of me.  We'll see.  I'm still exhausted so I will write more tomorrow.

Until next time, BMT Babe is out**