ANC 8345!!!!
ALC (immune system ability-normal 1500-36000) 1600!!!!!!! Hellz yeah
Soooooo, I am bouncing back soooooo hardcore. I have to just pat myself on the freakin back. My Christmas weekend made me feel just like normal again!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!
Dec. 23-My mom invited a bunch of our friends over for a chili Christmas fun night. It was awesome! I walked around with my bald head and enjoyed every minute of company. I also received tickets to the Nutcracker from my wonderful wonderful ex/current boyfriend. (I'll explain about him later.)
Christmas Day-My family and I awoke to a tree full of goodies and delicious hot chocolate. I gave my grandfather a sweatshirt that I customized with all of his favorite sayings/Cliffordism (his name is Clifford)...He LOVED it! My mom also loved her charm bracelet. What I loved you wonder, my iPad!!!!!
One, because its an iPad and two because it has an engraving on the back: "1/15/11=Day 100. You kicked cancer's @ss." I love my mommy!
Dec.26-So, Jared Lowdermilk is my high school sweetheart. He was a senior when I was a junior. We were in the musical (Pirates of Penzance) together and then he asked me to his prom. The rest is history. But we decided to go our separate ways when I got to college. It didn't really work. We talked and would hang out almost every month still. So, when this whole cancer thing happened, of course he knew.
He came flying back into my life. He showed up whenever I needed him. He is one of the most sincere caring wonderful thoughtful people in the entire world! He surprised me with the tickets to the ballet then treated me to a much needed night on the town.
So pretty much, I had many Christmases this year. All wonderful because of the people who love me! God bless us, everyone :)
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is Out**
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Day +70
It doesn't even feel like it's been that long!!! But I'm super happy it has!
After I figured out my capsule problem. My stomach stopped being a jerk. It was sooo nice afterwards, I rewarded it with lots and lots of food and cake lol. I was sooooo happy that my stomach went back to being "my" stomach. Everyone who knows me, knows I Love to eat. And I do it sooo well.
My stomach being awesome lasted around a couple weeks. Of course, nothing is permanent after a Bone Marrow Transplant. I mean, my skin is still changing colors so the stomach I guess I will just deal with. Yesterday my stomach sucked. I was forced to take Tums around 1 and nothing stopped hurting until 4...
But, once it stopped hurting I was able to eat a pecan roll. Which was really necessary.
OH, Development! I don't have to take the stupid powdery nasty pills anymore and...I'm down to taking only 7 meds morning and night!!!!! As time goes, more pills do too!
After I figured out my capsule problem. My stomach stopped being a jerk. It was sooo nice afterwards, I rewarded it with lots and lots of food and cake lol. I was sooooo happy that my stomach went back to being "my" stomach. Everyone who knows me, knows I Love to eat. And I do it sooo well.
My stomach being awesome lasted around a couple weeks. Of course, nothing is permanent after a Bone Marrow Transplant. I mean, my skin is still changing colors so the stomach I guess I will just deal with. Yesterday my stomach sucked. I was forced to take Tums around 1 and nothing stopped hurting until 4...
But, once it stopped hurting I was able to eat a pecan roll. Which was really necessary.
OH, Development! I don't have to take the stupid powdery nasty pills anymore and...I'm down to taking only 7 meds morning and night!!!!! As time goes, more pills do too!
I am soooo excited for Day +100!
I am also excited for a year after that because then I'm getting my new tattoos! And yes, plural...
I watched a documentary on body modification the other night and I remembered how much I like tattoos, especially when they are super symbolic. It's such a shame though, I'm either going to have to get my first one redone but hopefully just retouched. Since my skin changed colors and is now just pretty much coming off...so is my tat on my left shoulder!
I will go through with redoing it if I have to because it is very symbolic of who I am and the pain is nothing compared to chemo. Also, if it didn't hurt a little, it wouldn't be as epic when it's done. Pretty much like a Bone Marrow Transplant.
"Having Tattoos...It's a way of suffering for the things that mean a lot to you."
"Having Tattoos...It's a way of suffering for the things that mean a lot to you."
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is Out**
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Week after Thanksgiving
Sooooo I ate as much as I could on Thanksgiving but it was not the holiday I planned. I wanted to vacuum up my plate of food but my stupid mouth wouldn't allow me to. All of the meds/drugs I was on made my mouth extremely dry and therefore incredibly sensitive. I couldn't fully enjoy any of the fantastic (not spicy in the least bit) food my mom had made. It kinda sucked being stuck at a table covered in delicious food and all I could do was nibble and swish with water. Cancer makes everything SUCK!
Another reason why I couldn't enjoy my wonderful Thanksgiving meal was because I was completely filled with tiny plastic capsules.
Yes, Stupid Plastic Capsules!
Soooo, some of my meds, of course the meds that I have to take 120 of, come in small capsules. They are suppose to dissolve in my stomach but Guess What...They didn't AT ALL! And do you know, how I know, that they didn't dissolve. That's easy. I saw all the capsules when I threw up everyday!
It was soooo upsetting. My mom was seriously disturbed to see a huge chunk of plastic come back up my throat. The graphics are more than necessary. This was my life for about a week. I couldn't enjoy ANY FOOD.
Thank God that has now passed. To keep my sanity and ability to eat, my mom was smart enough to think about pouring the contents of the capsules out and mixing them in stuff. The cyclosporin doesn't taste completely disgusting mixed with chocolate pudding but I came upon this conclusion after many more pukes. The MMF still taste disgusting in everything. No matter what I put it with, it leaves a delightful powdery mediciny aftertaste all over my tongue. But I get done with my meds hours quicker now.
How wonderful is that!
Appreciating little things like that make this journey a little better everyday. Truly, getting to go to bed in my room every night helps me get closer and closer to day 100.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is Out**
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I'm Home
Sorry this post has taken soooo long. I've been out of the hospital for over a week. I was just tooo distracted by Thanksgiving!!!
My favorite Holiday
Of course it only has to do with the fact that my mom makes delicious food and I eat like a pig. It's my least favorite holiday because we are celebrating the massacre of a Native people who were just minding their own business when ships full of "other people" decided to claim a land, that was already occupied!, for themselves. I kinda turn angry hippie around the holidays yet I still participate. I don't think that makes me hypocritical. It just makes me a sucker for good food and gifts.
Anywayz, I have been feeling pretty good at home. After my short stint back on the ward I got a lot of energy back and a lot of drugs too. The energy part is awesome because it doesn't take me 30 minutes to get up and down the stairs anymore. The drug part makes the stairs just as difficult as before because I'm in constant concern that I'm just going to fall asleep and tumble down them. The pain med they gave me is this precious little pill called Methadone. It works amazingly. It totally alleviated my pain by distracting with the fact I had no idea what was going on around me. The first time I took it, I was still in the hospital getting ready to leave. I was looking out my window dreamily and spotted this large area full of parked cars. My first thought was "When did a car dealership get in front of the hospital?" It's called a parking garage! From there, it only got fuzzier.
Every couple of hours I was just passing out for no reason. I fell asleep on the toilet, the kitchen table, my laptop. I almost fell asleep in my closet one day but I could feel myself falling forward. That little pill is heavy duty. I guess that's why its such a good pain pill cause the last thing I'm even thinking about is my pain. I've cut my dosage in half which helps a little but I can still feel myself slipping out-of-it.
Oh, it also gives me the craziest dreams known to man! They're actually really fun to recount. None of them make any sense in the least bit: I fought a 6 foot 300 lb man, people were doing things they wouldn't ever ever do in real life, and I was on a beach on a ship in the middle of no where hanging out with J.K. Simmons. They were all very vivid and real. Drugs are bad...lol
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Anywayz, I have been feeling pretty good at home. After my short stint back on the ward I got a lot of energy back and a lot of drugs too. The energy part is awesome because it doesn't take me 30 minutes to get up and down the stairs anymore. The drug part makes the stairs just as difficult as before because I'm in constant concern that I'm just going to fall asleep and tumble down them. The pain med they gave me is this precious little pill called Methadone. It works amazingly. It totally alleviated my pain by distracting with the fact I had no idea what was going on around me. The first time I took it, I was still in the hospital getting ready to leave. I was looking out my window dreamily and spotted this large area full of parked cars. My first thought was "When did a car dealership get in front of the hospital?" It's called a parking garage! From there, it only got fuzzier.
Every couple of hours I was just passing out for no reason. I fell asleep on the toilet, the kitchen table, my laptop. I almost fell asleep in my closet one day but I could feel myself falling forward. That little pill is heavy duty. I guess that's why its such a good pain pill cause the last thing I'm even thinking about is my pain. I've cut my dosage in half which helps a little but I can still feel myself slipping out-of-it.
Oh, it also gives me the craziest dreams known to man! They're actually really fun to recount. None of them make any sense in the least bit: I fought a 6 foot 300 lb man, people were doing things they wouldn't ever ever do in real life, and I was on a beach on a ship in the middle of no where hanging out with J.K. Simmons. They were all very vivid and real. Drugs are bad...lol
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I'm back
Soooo I'm back in the hospital. Yeah, it blows! But I'm only going to be here for a few days. I had to be admitted since my pain got out of control. They wanted me to be here to get some kind of hold on my pain and try to cure it. Soooo, I don't really want to tell the world where my pain is. I'm pretty sure you can interpret something from that statement...
Anyway, I'm back here and it is soooo much easier than at home but of course I would still like to be at home. The difference is that here, I have stayed in bed all day because I can't leave the room and every things done for me. This helps me get better quicker since I'm not pushing myself to do "stuff." Another difference with home is I don't have an IV supply of diluted there (hmmm diluted). But the one thing that will never change about the hospital, and makes home a winner every time, is the constant pestering. Now don't get me wrong, I love nurses but when they are bad they are awful. The ones I had on this visit have been pretty terrible.
Kristin- She admitted me and is such a sweetheart. She gets a Gold Star!
Shannon- Very nice but almost more talkative than me! It is possible. But also a sweetheart. Gold Star!
Now, these people don't get any kind of metal stars.
Danelle- Wow she's stupid. I know it seems harsh but it is soooo true. She's like a cute kinda Jessica Simpson stupid but as a nurse that's not too cute anymore. My stomach was killing me so I asked for a hot pack around 10:45. I ended up falling asleep for awhile, waiting for the hot pack that took 15 minutes to even get to me. When I woke up, there was an already activated hot pack on my table so when I picked it up, it was cold. There are other stories of her stupidity but I think that's the funniest.
I don't even remember her name. That's how much I dislike her- When she first started, she flushed a med really really fast. Flushing things like that really hurts me and usually ends up choking me a little. I told her that was too just for future knowledge. All other nurses have apologized and checked how fast is too fast for the future. Not bug-faced-trick-bag, she didn't even acknowledge that I spoke to her! So I repeated myself with the addition of "I wasn't sure if you heard me since you didn't respond at all" and a smile. Then there were other little things that built all through the night. Well, when she actually came to check on her freakin patient. I could have died and it would've taken her 2 hours to even realize it. I did have an allergic reaction that she could care less about. My lips started to get swollen so I let her know. Get it, she's my nurse and its an issue with my health, I had to deal with her. She seemed to forget that that's how it works.
Anyway, my favorite thing in the night was when I called her in and told her my lips were still swelling (I had told her before) and she asked, "Oh, can you feel it like tingling" so I responded, "No, I can look at them" so she said, "Really? cause they look exactly the same." I could have punched her. Instead I used my words of fury. "They do not look the same! I know my lips. They have always been full because I am black and maybe that's what you're confusing it with but I can tell a difference." Then I slapped her and told her to find me a real doctor to talk to. Okay, the last part didn't really happen but I was pissed. I called my mommy like any mature person would do.
I made it through the night and into today even inspite of the crappy nurses never giving me my pills at a constant, accurate time. Whatever, they were on top of the really important things. I just want this infection to go away so I can go home and not deal with any more nurses for awhile.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Anyway, I'm back here and it is soooo much easier than at home but of course I would still like to be at home. The difference is that here, I have stayed in bed all day because I can't leave the room and every things done for me. This helps me get better quicker since I'm not pushing myself to do "stuff." Another difference with home is I don't have an IV supply of diluted there (hmmm diluted). But the one thing that will never change about the hospital, and makes home a winner every time, is the constant pestering. Now don't get me wrong, I love nurses but when they are bad they are awful. The ones I had on this visit have been pretty terrible.
Kristin- She admitted me and is such a sweetheart. She gets a Gold Star!
Shannon- Very nice but almost more talkative than me! It is possible. But also a sweetheart. Gold Star!
Now, these people don't get any kind of metal stars.
Danelle- Wow she's stupid. I know it seems harsh but it is soooo true. She's like a cute kinda Jessica Simpson stupid but as a nurse that's not too cute anymore. My stomach was killing me so I asked for a hot pack around 10:45. I ended up falling asleep for awhile, waiting for the hot pack that took 15 minutes to even get to me. When I woke up, there was an already activated hot pack on my table so when I picked it up, it was cold. There are other stories of her stupidity but I think that's the funniest.
I don't even remember her name. That's how much I dislike her- When she first started, she flushed a med really really fast. Flushing things like that really hurts me and usually ends up choking me a little. I told her that was too just for future knowledge. All other nurses have apologized and checked how fast is too fast for the future. Not bug-faced-trick-bag, she didn't even acknowledge that I spoke to her! So I repeated myself with the addition of "I wasn't sure if you heard me since you didn't respond at all" and a smile. Then there were other little things that built all through the night. Well, when she actually came to check on her freakin patient. I could have died and it would've taken her 2 hours to even realize it. I did have an allergic reaction that she could care less about. My lips started to get swollen so I let her know. Get it, she's my nurse and its an issue with my health, I had to deal with her. She seemed to forget that that's how it works.
Anyway, my favorite thing in the night was when I called her in and told her my lips were still swelling (I had told her before) and she asked, "Oh, can you feel it like tingling" so I responded, "No, I can look at them" so she said, "Really? cause they look exactly the same." I could have punched her. Instead I used my words of fury. "They do not look the same! I know my lips. They have always been full because I am black and maybe that's what you're confusing it with but I can tell a difference." Then I slapped her and told her to find me a real doctor to talk to. Okay, the last part didn't really happen but I was pissed. I called my mommy like any mature person would do.
I made it through the night and into today even inspite of the crappy nurses never giving me my pills at a constant, accurate time. Whatever, they were on top of the really important things. I just want this infection to go away so I can go home and not deal with any more nurses for awhile.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Friday, November 12, 2010
It's been a week!
Soooooo the reason I haven't written in forever is because I've been at home!!!!!!!
I left the hospital on Day +25 and today is Day +35 or 36...I've kinda lost track. Since I'm not blogging everyday (why, I will explain later) or getting my counts every morning I don't really keep up with how long I've been doing this stupid thing.
This stupid thing that has sucked ALL the life/energy out of me. It seems ironic that all the chemo and other crap that they put in my body was to save my life when now I feel like I'm dying every time I wake up! I'm sooooo tired all the time! Super common and to be expected this soon after. Even knowing this, I'm still PISSED. It really blows (yes, blows lol) to get winded from walking upstairs or showering. I can't do Anything I use to be able to. I can't even help around the house with regular things. It makes me so mad that I can't help my mom. She's a single mother that works full time then comes home to a useless 82 year old man and a worthless 19 year old Cancer survivor. So then she works full time at home too. She knows that I would help if I didn't get tired from being tired. It's just a sensitive area that makes me more annoyed then probably anyone else.
Anyway, that's all another matter. I'm trying my hardest to get through this time of exhaustion, itching, and pain. Oh yeah, being at home is not a bundle of roses. It's awesome! don't mistake but the fact that only 30 days ago my body was completely wiped with all of these toxic chemicals and is now being put back together again from the inside out does make things a little hard. I just have to deal with the fact that my skin is sensitive to freakin water pressure, my entire body itches CONSTANTLY, and that I have to be at least 33 different shades of brown (this one isn't that big-a-deal).
Trying to stay strong but it is very hard. When in doubt though I think about not wasting this wonderful bone marrow that I was lucky enough to receive. OH, about my bone marrow! I am 100% donor and it's engrafted 60% which is again amazing because usually by day 30 it's only about 30%. I am sooooo grateful that my bone marrow transplant has gone so wonderfully. I am sending all of my good energy and fortunate vibes to the 7th floor at The Children's Hospital.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
I left the hospital on Day +25 and today is Day +35 or 36...I've kinda lost track. Since I'm not blogging everyday (why, I will explain later) or getting my counts every morning I don't really keep up with how long I've been doing this stupid thing.
This stupid thing that has sucked ALL the life/energy out of me. It seems ironic that all the chemo and other crap that they put in my body was to save my life when now I feel like I'm dying every time I wake up! I'm sooooo tired all the time! Super common and to be expected this soon after. Even knowing this, I'm still PISSED. It really blows (yes, blows lol) to get winded from walking upstairs or showering. I can't do Anything I use to be able to. I can't even help around the house with regular things. It makes me so mad that I can't help my mom. She's a single mother that works full time then comes home to a useless 82 year old man and a worthless 19 year old Cancer survivor. So then she works full time at home too. She knows that I would help if I didn't get tired from being tired. It's just a sensitive area that makes me more annoyed then probably anyone else.
Anyway, that's all another matter. I'm trying my hardest to get through this time of exhaustion, itching, and pain. Oh yeah, being at home is not a bundle of roses. It's awesome! don't mistake but the fact that only 30 days ago my body was completely wiped with all of these toxic chemicals and is now being put back together again from the inside out does make things a little hard. I just have to deal with the fact that my skin is sensitive to freakin water pressure, my entire body itches CONSTANTLY, and that I have to be at least 33 different shades of brown (this one isn't that big-a-deal).
Trying to stay strong but it is very hard. When in doubt though I think about not wasting this wonderful bone marrow that I was lucky enough to receive. OH, about my bone marrow! I am 100% donor and it's engrafted 60% which is again amazing because usually by day 30 it's only about 30%. I am sooooo grateful that my bone marrow transplant has gone so wonderfully. I am sending all of my good energy and fortunate vibes to the 7th floor at The Children's Hospital.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween
ANC 2886!!!!
WBC 3.9
RBC 3.34
Hemoglobin 10.2
Plt Ct 17
ABS # 0.4
Such a fun day! So since I wasn't allowed to leave my room or anything to actually show off a costume I did a really easy costume I could sit around my room in. Drumroll please....I was 3 things in 1-A bum, a stoner, and a CC student lol. They all look the same!
While I was "dressed up" I played video games in my room and ate everything. Especially Candy. I will not look at another snickers for awhile.
After that, I watched "Hocus Pocus" and felt soooooo old! That movie came out when I was 2 and I remember watching it and loving it growing up. Do you know what I realized while watching the movie. The little boy that played the cat Binx is now McGee on "NCIS!" How weird is that to recognize someone almost 20 years in the future. It was also surreal that I could say 15 years ago and remember it! I sooooo appreciate how much life I have gotten to enjoy. It's beautiful to appreciate how many years you have been around. Getting old is weird but pretty awesome!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
WBC 3.9
RBC 3.34
Hemoglobin 10.2
Plt Ct 17
ABS # 0.4
Such a fun day! So since I wasn't allowed to leave my room or anything to actually show off a costume I did a really easy costume I could sit around my room in. Drumroll please....I was 3 things in 1-A bum, a stoner, and a CC student lol. They all look the same!
After that, I watched "Hocus Pocus" and felt soooooo old! That movie came out when I was 2 and I remember watching it and loving it growing up. Do you know what I realized while watching the movie. The little boy that played the cat Binx is now McGee on "NCIS!" How weird is that to recognize someone almost 20 years in the future. It was also surreal that I could say 15 years ago and remember it! I sooooo appreciate how much life I have gotten to enjoy. It's beautiful to appreciate how many years you have been around. Getting old is weird but pretty awesome!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Day +22 & 23
ANC 1027-->1435.5
I actually don't feel like blogging about these days. I don't know why! They were good days. Even fun and relaxing. I just don't really have anything to say about them...
You know, that may be a good thing. They weren't anymore exciting than any other day. No need to tell the world about an ordinary day. I was just like everyone else. That's a beautiful thing that we take for granted. Boring days! Not all of us are lucky enough to have a day that no one cares about. I enjoyed my days of unimportance. Enjoy yours!
I actually don't feel like blogging about these days. I don't know why! They were good days. Even fun and relaxing. I just don't really have anything to say about them...
You know, that may be a good thing. They weren't anymore exciting than any other day. No need to tell the world about an ordinary day. I was just like everyone else. That's a beautiful thing that we take for granted. Boring days! Not all of us are lucky enough to have a day that no one cares about. I enjoyed my days of unimportance. Enjoy yours!
I'm going home day +25!!!!!!!!!
I'll blog about that later I suppose. The day after Halloween will be pretty wicked sweet.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Friday, October 29, 2010
Day +21
ANC 1210
WBC 2.2
RBC 3.62
Hemoglobin 11.2
Plt Ct 30
ABS # 0.3
I feel 100%!!! Today was a nice ZEN day. I felt like I was staying at a monastery more than a hospital. I took time in my morning to eat a balanced breakfast. Watched a little TV. Stretched and meditated for a few hours. And read my book.
Very chill day which I ended with "Malice in Wonderland" (a modern London twist on Alice) and several episodes of "South Park." I can't help it. I love that show. Plus it goes sooo well with peanut m&m's at two in the morning.
That was my day. Yeah, that's it. I'm not going to lie. I enjoy my relaxing zen days. All I had to do was concentrate on me and my health and what helps make me happy. I think more people should have days like this. I have now dubbed them Buddha monastery days-inspired by "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." Thanks Kris Carr!
Enjoy days when you do things that make you happy for as long as you want. You don't think you should lie on a mat and listen to music for 2 1/2 hours. There are more important things you could be doing? Foo-ey! At that time, meditating in your own way is the most important thing you can do for your well being and health. Right now I have the freedom to do this but I really believe everyone should take time out and have some monastery time. Quiet your mind and enjoy the life you are living!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
WBC 2.2
RBC 3.62
Hemoglobin 11.2
Plt Ct 30
ABS # 0.3
I feel 100%!!! Today was a nice ZEN day. I felt like I was staying at a monastery more than a hospital. I took time in my morning to eat a balanced breakfast. Watched a little TV. Stretched and meditated for a few hours. And read my book.
Very chill day which I ended with "Malice in Wonderland" (a modern London twist on Alice) and several episodes of "South Park." I can't help it. I love that show. Plus it goes sooo well with peanut m&m's at two in the morning.
That was my day. Yeah, that's it. I'm not going to lie. I enjoy my relaxing zen days. All I had to do was concentrate on me and my health and what helps make me happy. I think more people should have days like this. I have now dubbed them Buddha monastery days-inspired by "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." Thanks Kris Carr!
Enjoy days when you do things that make you happy for as long as you want. You don't think you should lie on a mat and listen to music for 2 1/2 hours. There are more important things you could be doing? Foo-ey! At that time, meditating in your own way is the most important thing you can do for your well being and health. Right now I have the freedom to do this but I really believe everyone should take time out and have some monastery time. Quiet your mind and enjoy the life you are living!
 |
| zen circle |
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day +20
Yes, it has been that long already!
But look at this progress!!!
ANC 1386!!!!!!!
WBC 2.1
RBC 3.69
Hemoglobin 11.4
Plt Ct 47
ABS # 0.3
These numbers are soooo important to me! If everything stays just like this/better I am going home MONDAY!!! This makes me incredibly happy and extremely nervous all at the same time. I want to go to my couch and my kitchen and my room soooooo badly I can taste it. But I do not want anything jeopardized with my health. Thinking about that....I had visitors today.
Soooooo I have this family you know. And they're crazy anyway. Today one of the crazy members (my aunt-in-law, that's how I feel about her) decided to come by my room at 8 o clock in the morning. Not the best time to visit someone and not the best time to see them for the first time in probably years. Yeah, we're all really close...
So initially I thought the gesture was nice. Even when people only appear when you're sick, they are at least still appearing. But no! She's a moron and thought that the first visit this morning was okay so she came back a few hours later with my cousin who just had knee surgery-meaning, he was in a dirty wheelchair that was pushed into my isolation room. And, to top all of this off. In BMT you have a list of up to 6 people because they don't want too many people/too many germs coming back and forth.
But look at this progress!!!
ANC 1386!!!!!!!
WBC 2.1
RBC 3.69
Hemoglobin 11.4
Plt Ct 47
ABS # 0.3
These numbers are soooo important to me! If everything stays just like this/better I am going home MONDAY!!! This makes me incredibly happy and extremely nervous all at the same time. I want to go to my couch and my kitchen and my room soooooo badly I can taste it. But I do not want anything jeopardized with my health. Thinking about that....I had visitors today.
Soooooo I have this family you know. And they're crazy anyway. Today one of the crazy members (my aunt-in-law, that's how I feel about her) decided to come by my room at 8 o clock in the morning. Not the best time to visit someone and not the best time to see them for the first time in probably years. Yeah, we're all really close...
So initially I thought the gesture was nice. Even when people only appear when you're sick, they are at least still appearing. But no! She's a moron and thought that the first visit this morning was okay so she came back a few hours later with my cousin who just had knee surgery-meaning, he was in a dirty wheelchair that was pushed into my isolation room. And, to top all of this off. In BMT you have a list of up to 6 people because they don't want too many people/too many germs coming back and forth.
They are not on my list nor have ever been!!!!
We were not happy with the hospital today. I was freakin out because they are not the most germ friendly people and I will be sooooo pissed if I get something from them that keeps me from going home. That kinda messed up my mood for the rest of the morning. I got food in me though and wasn't as moody.
Later, my mother and I had a long talk with the doctor about getting the house ready for me to move back into. This process is pretty much ridiculous! There are soooooo many things we have to do and change. This was around the time I had a mental breakdown. It was a lot to take in you know. I don't even feel like me anymore sometimes. My face is different and I don't have very much of my own bone marrow and my freakin birth mark disappeared. Yeah, how weird is that. It's been there since I was born and now its 10% of what it was.
It honestly is a lot for a person's mind to digest. BMT has taken my former life and flipped it on its ear. Nothing is the same and it won't be for up to a year. It's just something I have to deal and come to terms with. Imagine that though. To have your entire life, the life you know and love and are use to, completely revamped by people looking in from the outside. It's hard but I will deal and make it through this little thump in my life.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Monday, October 25, 2010
Haven't written in a good while
Soooooo that fever that was suppose to go away more than a week ago....It Didn't!
It took it completely out of me. And my ANC. It went from 973 to 520 to 210 to 181!!! That sucked a lot. Thank God it's back up now.
ANC 658
WBC 1.4
RBC 3.26
Hemoglobin 10.1
Plt Ct 34
ABS # 0.4
So I'm happy everything is going up now. Do you know what that means??? They are thinking about discharging me this week!
Excellent news for me of course, mom on the other hand is tweeked hard. She wanted to have the house completely redone before I got home but I'm a fast healer I suppose. My mother being my mother, decided to go above and beyond the norm for house maintenance after BMT. She decided to switch our rooms all together since mine collected more dust. She also wants to take out the celling fan, repaint the walls with hypo-allergenic paint, have hypo-allergenic curtains made and install a Hepa filter. This is all doable of course...but I don't know how doable it all is in like 3 days!
But she's awesome and will figure something out. All that really needs to be done is to have the ducts cleaned so I'm not breathing in dusty air. Then I can go home!!!! I wish I could help her move and do all this stuff but that kinda defeats the whole purpose. She's such an independent little woman. I really just want someone (sure if it's a big burly man) to jump in and do everything for her. That would make things soooo much easier.
I will keep you updated since there will be no more fevers in my future!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
I had that stupid fever for 5 days!!!!!
ANC 658
WBC 1.4
RBC 3.26
Hemoglobin 10.1
Plt Ct 34
ABS # 0.4
So I'm happy everything is going up now. Do you know what that means??? They are thinking about discharging me this week!
Excellent news for me of course, mom on the other hand is tweeked hard. She wanted to have the house completely redone before I got home but I'm a fast healer I suppose. My mother being my mother, decided to go above and beyond the norm for house maintenance after BMT. She decided to switch our rooms all together since mine collected more dust. She also wants to take out the celling fan, repaint the walls with hypo-allergenic paint, have hypo-allergenic curtains made and install a Hepa filter. This is all doable of course...but I don't know how doable it all is in like 3 days!
But she's awesome and will figure something out. All that really needs to be done is to have the ducts cleaned so I'm not breathing in dusty air. Then I can go home!!!! I wish I could help her move and do all this stuff but that kinda defeats the whole purpose. She's such an independent little woman. I really just want someone (sure if it's a big burly man) to jump in and do everything for her. That would make things soooo much easier.
I will keep you updated since there will be no more fevers in my future!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Day +7 8 9
My ANC is kicking ass: 105, 98.7, 68.2
Yet....
I have had a fever of around 104 degrees for the last 3 days. Yeah, MISERABLE! After all of that awesomeness on Wednesday, my body decided to betray me. Everything is achy and I'm shivering like I'm in the Arctic. Not fun at all. This is the first time I've been conscious enough to write. I hope tomorrow will be better. If it's any indication tonight, I think the fever is gone. Now I will try and eat and feel a little bit better.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Day +6
ANC 28.6!!!! Day 6 and it's already going up
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 40
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: Deb (a.m.) Very nice older woman. Woke me up like a pro, super kind.
Andrea (p.m.) Sweetheart! We watch "Dating in the Dark" together.
Woke up feeling fabulous! Had a very nice sleep. I put on music and started dancing and singing at 10. After my breakfast of pancakes and bacon (which was surprisingly good) I decided it would be a great day to get a workout in. I got all suited up and went out to the bike. My thighs were burning and I was loving it! When I came back to my room, my doctors snuck up behind me. Clearly they could see I was doing just fine. Of course, because they're doctors, they didn't make a big deal about my ANC. Quote: It could be 2 tomorrow. Whatever doctors!
Those wonderful words of reassurance didn't hinder my mood at all. I went back to eating my after workout snack--Apple Turnover. I still felt 1000% percent so I listened to music read and made a ton of jewelry. Of course, the listening to music wasn't complete without dancing like a maniac! I just felt soooooo good that I was doing belly dance moves I didn't know I knew. I broke a sweat I was dancing so much! So worth it though.
I concluded my day with Xmen a hot apple turnover and a warm blanket. Ahhh.
Until Next time, BMT Babe is out**
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 40
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: Deb (a.m.) Very nice older woman. Woke me up like a pro, super kind.
Andrea (p.m.) Sweetheart! We watch "Dating in the Dark" together.
Woke up feeling fabulous! Had a very nice sleep. I put on music and started dancing and singing at 10. After my breakfast of pancakes and bacon (which was surprisingly good) I decided it would be a great day to get a workout in. I got all suited up and went out to the bike. My thighs were burning and I was loving it! When I came back to my room, my doctors snuck up behind me. Clearly they could see I was doing just fine. Of course, because they're doctors, they didn't make a big deal about my ANC. Quote: It could be 2 tomorrow. Whatever doctors!
Those wonderful words of reassurance didn't hinder my mood at all. I went back to eating my after workout snack--Apple Turnover. I still felt 1000% percent so I listened to music read and made a ton of jewelry. Of course, the listening to music wasn't complete without dancing like a maniac! I just felt soooooo good that I was doing belly dance moves I didn't know I knew. I broke a sweat I was dancing so much! So worth it though.
Until Next time, BMT Babe is out**
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Day +5
ANC 7.1
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 22
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: Courtney (a.m.) Sweetheart!
Ron (p.m.) Weirdo Spaz...nice enough though. Really loud for night shift however, ugh.
Lazy day. Well for me. I woke up and watched Rachel Ray. I wasn't torturing myself per say but watching the food was beautiful pain. I want a Salad sooooo bad!!!!! I talked to the doctors of course and everyone is soooo happy that I am doing soooo well. I'm pretty happy about it too.
Next, I showered, ate, stretched, talked to Tommi and watched "The Big C" (wonderful show about Laura Linney being diagnosed with Cancer. Sound familiar?) Just as my day was concluding nicely, I received platelets.
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.30
Hemoglobin 10.9
Plt Ct 22
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: Courtney (a.m.) Sweetheart!
Ron (p.m.) Weirdo Spaz...nice enough though. Really loud for night shift however, ugh.
Lazy day. Well for me. I woke up and watched Rachel Ray. I wasn't torturing myself per say but watching the food was beautiful pain. I want a Salad sooooo bad!!!!! I talked to the doctors of course and everyone is soooo happy that I am doing soooo well. I'm pretty happy about it too.
Next, I showered, ate, stretched, talked to Tommi and watched "The Big C" (wonderful show about Laura Linney being diagnosed with Cancer. Sound familiar?) Just as my day was concluding nicely, I received platelets.
Bad Idea!
I had an allergic reaction to them. Got super itchy and couldn't stop coughing. Kinda scary! Luckily, Children's had the CUTEST doctor on call last night. I am such a girl! I'm having an allergic reaction and coughing my lungs out yet I still find myself able to grin huge and giggle when he comes in the room. RIDICULOUS! He was so goofy too. He kept making jokes about being cool like Bob Marley. Made him even CUTER!!!
Anyway, when I woke up from my dose of Benadryl and Hydrocotozon I was in such a bad mood. I guess I was just groggy or something but no one could do anything right. Plus, no one did! It took my nurse 25 minutes to come into my room and get the machine that was beeping. He didn't have his phone! And, I had the shitty CA again that is loud and oblivious. She also had the nerve to erase stuff on my white board to write her name up there. No one else has done that!!! Everyone else respects the fact that I had the crap on my freakin board for a freakin reason.
Not happy last night!
I slept awesome though!!! Watched a crappy but cute movie with Queen ("Just Wright"), watched some "Cold Case" that reminded me of my life and fell asleep unbothered for the moment. Nice!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Day +4
ANC 10 (It didn't actually go up, it just does that. This is the same as 0)
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.15
Hemoglobin 10.4
Plt Ct 36
ABS # 0.1
Nurse: Courtney (a.m.) She's been here since the beginning. I love her! She preggers too. Due in November! She's like a sweet tiny mom. <3
Kerri (p.m.) Giant women. Not awful but not great.
Epic morning! I woke up feeling like gold. I took my meds and was out the door (pole and all). I warmed myself an apple turnover with a side of colby cheese. I was feeling very French lol. I made my bed and set up post in the chair with the windows wide open. It was beautiful!
Then, my docs came in and we all laughed and talked about how good I'm doing!! Dr. Q even made a joke this morning. I was telling him how I was changing colors...oh yes, that happens back here. All the places of rubbing or really sensitive skin get darker. Sooooo, I'm a nice little semi sweet back here. I was telling him that I was getting so black and he chuckled and reminded me I came in here black lol
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.15
Hemoglobin 10.4
Plt Ct 36
ABS # 0.1
Nurse: Courtney (a.m.) She's been here since the beginning. I love her! She preggers too. Due in November! She's like a sweet tiny mom. <3
Kerri (p.m.) Giant women. Not awful but not great.
Epic morning! I woke up feeling like gold. I took my meds and was out the door (pole and all). I warmed myself an apple turnover with a side of colby cheese. I was feeling very French lol. I made my bed and set up post in the chair with the windows wide open. It was beautiful!
Then, my docs came in and we all laughed and talked about how good I'm doing!! Dr. Q even made a joke this morning. I was telling him how I was changing colors...oh yes, that happens back here. All the places of rubbing or really sensitive skin get darker. Sooooo, I'm a nice little semi sweet back here. I was telling him that I was getting so black and he chuckled and reminded me I came in here black lol
 |
| This is not funny. Just appropriate. |
Then, Dr.Q suggested that I take part in a new study of hypnosis for BMT patients. There is a doctor that comes in and implements hypnosis training to BMT patients to help them cope with all the shit that is going on. In the regular treatment, the doctor would teach the patients how to get themselves to a hypnotized meditative state 6-8 weeks before their actual transplant so they could know how to do it when they needed it. My doctors thought that since I was doing such a great job coping and handling everything right now I could almost test it out for future patients.
I am sooooo happy that I can still contribute and make a difference while going through this!
After that, I went on about my day. Meditated, did yoga, ate lots of food, read my book. All in all, it was an extremely good day! Awesomeness!
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Monday, October 11, 2010
Day +3
ANC 8.5
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.24
Hemoglobin 10.8
Plt Ct 53 (transfusion)
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: My mom thought it would be good to keep track of the nurses I have through this experience/recovery. I really didn't care to keep track but why not. Some are terrible, others=excellent.
WBC 0.1
RBC 3.24
Hemoglobin 10.8
Plt Ct 53 (transfusion)
ABS # 0.1
Nurses: My mom thought it would be good to keep track of the nurses I have through this experience/recovery. I really didn't care to keep track but why not. Some are terrible, others=excellent.
- Amy (a.m.) Nurse with me through Transplant! Awesome rocker chick. Cool gravaly voice. Fun to talk to.
- Kristin (p.m.^2) Nurse from the old hospital. Genuinely nice and really funny. Jokes with me like one of the gals
- Ann (a.m.) Robot Nurse! She was extremely perky but there was no kind of pulse what-so-ever.
Yesterday: Katie (a.m.) Cool red head girl. Seems kinda mmh at first but turns out to be awesome. Loves Johnny as much as me!
Jenny (p.m.) I swear her voice calls deer and robins to fold her laundry. Super sweet girl. Just kind and attentive. She was with me the night I was pulling off my skin so she automatically awesome.
Now, my day. I felt 120% yesterday. I woke and lounged in bed, not because I felt like shit but because it was Sunday and I could do that. It was nice. I watched tv read and surfed the web all under the covers. Very relaxing. After a while I ordered a mondo sandwich! 3 slices of ham, 2 slices of chedder, and 2 slices of swiss. I still have not lose my appetite!!!
Tommi came by and we chit chatted. She isn't an abnoxious shirk so I like just talking to her even though now all she talks about is "Lucy." Her adorable eccetric 4 year old daughter. It's okay though, it doesn't make me feel awful that I can't have kids lol but yeah, I know, heavy shit.
When my mom came back, we were suppose to have a nice little movie night. She bought me apple trun-overs and Chicago. That's a good night for me! She feel asleep at 9:15. I feel sooo bad sometimes. I know she is working herself into a dither trying to do everything. She's switching and redoing my room at the house while staying here with me everynight while waking up at 5 to go to work everyday. It's on my life list. I am treating her to a full spa day whenever I have the funds to do so. I'm going to take her on a trip and thank her for every single thing she is doing and has done for me. I'm getting all teary writing it. She is just soo soooo epic and I love her with all my heart!!!
You know cause another thing, a lot of people wouldn't even be strong enough to stay with me through all of this. I'm not saying any names because I'm not angry with the people but they are kinda assholes and don't deserve any title I once awarded them (b with 1 and 2 f's). My mother is the strongest person I know and I appreciate that everyday!
Now I'm just all sappy so Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Day +2
ANC 35.8
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.44
Hemoglobin 11.5
Plt Ct 29
ABS# 0.1
See, I told you they would get lower. And I totally felt it. I was literally asleep from 11:30 to 6 yesterday. That's okay though. I guess my body really needed the rest. So I continued doing just that. I was also kinda sick to my stomach so I made big use of ginger ale and granola bars. That was my exciting day. The End.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
WBC 0.2
RBC 3.44
Hemoglobin 11.5
Plt Ct 29
ABS# 0.1
See, I told you they would get lower. And I totally felt it. I was literally asleep from 11:30 to 6 yesterday. That's okay though. I guess my body really needed the rest. So I continued doing just that. I was also kinda sick to my stomach so I made big use of ginger ale and granola bars. That was my exciting day. The End.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Friday, October 8, 2010
Day +1
So this is what I'm going to start all my plus days with while in the hospital. The only reason I'm still here is to play this stupid waiting game with the blood cells in my body so I will chart how they are going here:
ANC 280 Acute Nuetrophil Count. The higher this number, the more my body can fight off infection, the sooner I can go back to my regular life. Most people's are in the 50,000's so I have a way to go. Oh, and it's definitely going to get lower as time goes on.
White Blood Count 0.3 Soooo low. Normal is between 4.0-10.5. This will also get lower.
Red Blood Count 3.11 Normal is 4.20-5.40.
Hemoglobin 10.3 Normal is between 13.5-18.0. This is actually always kinda low for me so this is good.
Plt Ct 40 Good but not very good. Normal 150-500.
Segmented Nuetrophils (ABS #) 0.2 This one is still new to me but I know when it is high, it means I can go around people aka large groups. But it's not, and it won't be for a long while! But that's okay-I can deal. High is between 1.5-6.6!!!
Soooo, those are my numbers. Those are actually pretty good, especially one day after transplant. They will fall and that will suck but then they'll come up and that will be great. I'm sooooo profound.
Today was really good. I woke up and talked to the doctors. Everyone says I'm doing fine and my anxiety is the only thing that is becoming an issue so I'm trying to deal with that. I cope with thinking too much with trying to not thinking at all. I fill my days with other things. Today:
-Shower
-Yoga
-Mediation
-Eating (a delicious ham sandwich)
-Little TV watching
-Drum playing (with obnoxious art therapist chick [I HATE shrinky people])
-Nap
-Movie watching
-More eating (salmon, broccoli, carrots, baked potato)
ANC 280 Acute Nuetrophil Count. The higher this number, the more my body can fight off infection, the sooner I can go back to my regular life. Most people's are in the 50,000's so I have a way to go. Oh, and it's definitely going to get lower as time goes on.
White Blood Count 0.3 Soooo low. Normal is between 4.0-10.5. This will also get lower.
Red Blood Count 3.11 Normal is 4.20-5.40.
Hemoglobin 10.3 Normal is between 13.5-18.0. This is actually always kinda low for me so this is good.
Plt Ct 40 Good but not very good. Normal 150-500.
Segmented Nuetrophils (ABS #) 0.2 This one is still new to me but I know when it is high, it means I can go around people aka large groups. But it's not, and it won't be for a long while! But that's okay-I can deal. High is between 1.5-6.6!!!
Soooo, those are my numbers. Those are actually pretty good, especially one day after transplant. They will fall and that will suck but then they'll come up and that will be great. I'm sooooo profound.
Today was really good. I woke up and talked to the doctors. Everyone says I'm doing fine and my anxiety is the only thing that is becoming an issue so I'm trying to deal with that. I cope with thinking too much with trying to not thinking at all. I fill my days with other things. Today:
-Shower
-Yoga
-Mediation
-Eating (a delicious ham sandwich)
-Little TV watching
-Drum playing (with obnoxious art therapist chick [I HATE shrinky people])
-Nap
-Movie watching
-More eating (salmon, broccoli, carrots, baked potato)
I'm soooo lucky I still have my appetite!
Now I'm going to hang out with my mom, talk, watch movies, and probably eat some more lol.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Translpant Day!!!
I have New Bone Marrow and I feel like $1000 bucks!
The actual procedure took place at 11 am and the hours building up to that were full of anxiety and nerves. I pushed through all the worry of all the things that "could" happen and came out on the other side a successful bone marrow transplant.
Really, I slept through most of it. There was one at 11 and another one at 230. I woke up around 3 and started getting back to listening to music and dancing and being me!!!
I was still really nervous about not doing well after this was done but was consoled by a nurse. They say that the hardest part is usually the chemo beforehand. That was extremely hard and now I've gotten through that so....
Now I am ready to just wait for my counts to come back up and me to keep myself busy in here. I believe wholeheartedly that this is what will go down within...36 days. We'll see.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
The actual procedure took place at 11 am and the hours building up to that were full of anxiety and nerves. I pushed through all the worry of all the things that "could" happen and came out on the other side a successful bone marrow transplant.
Really, I slept through most of it. There was one at 11 and another one at 230. I woke up around 3 and started getting back to listening to music and dancing and being me!!!
I was still really nervous about not doing well after this was done but was consoled by a nurse. They say that the hardest part is usually the chemo beforehand. That was extremely hard and now I've gotten through that so....
Now I am ready to just wait for my counts to come back up and me to keep myself busy in here. I believe wholeheartedly that this is what will go down within...36 days. We'll see.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Day -1
You know that night before the first day of school feeling? That was my feeling all day. I was soooo happy to be down to day -1. It meant it was actually happening. It meant that sooner rather than later I would have my life back. It meant that I had survived chemotherapy!
But was I done being sick? That's my concern. Have I made it through all the hard times now? Supposedly, after the transplant, I should be better. Now, it would just be a waiting game...right?
I can't help but think about all the risks that come after the actual procedure. That makes me super freakin nervous. And so the night of Day -1 was pretty sleepless.
Until The Big Day, BMT Babe is out**
But was I done being sick? That's my concern. Have I made it through all the hard times now? Supposedly, after the transplant, I should be better. Now, it would just be a waiting game...right?
I can't help but think about all the risks that come after the actual procedure. That makes me super freakin nervous. And so the night of Day -1 was pretty sleepless.
Until The Big Day, BMT Babe is out**
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Day -2
I can't really remember anything but excruciating pain yesterday!!!!
1) Have you even eaten something extremely hot and it resounated thorugh your whole body? Or have you had chile juices all over your body? Or had fire ants bite you allover?
2) Have you ever had moscotties bite you hundreds of hundreds of times then rolled in itching powder?
I wouldn't except anyone who has not had ATG or Cyclosporine to understand the two above. Well guess what...I felt both at the same time last night.
1) Have you even eaten something extremely hot and it resounated thorugh your whole body? Or have you had chile juices all over your body? Or had fire ants bite you allover?
2) Have you ever had moscotties bite you hundreds of hundreds of times then rolled in itching powder?
I wouldn't except anyone who has not had ATG or Cyclosporine to understand the two above. Well guess what...I felt both at the same time last night.
It started at 6 pm and didn't even disapate until 1 the next morning.
This is my hell!!!!!!!!!! But I can't remember the rest of the night because I was HIGHLY drugged. It was really insane. Read about that adventure here:dilutedandme.com
I'm drugged again so....
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Monday, October 4, 2010
Day -3
I woke up with a sore throat, bloated eyes, mouth pain, skin rash and cramps all over. It was a great morning!!!
I had been shivering all through the night and woke up feeling like a piece of crap...A warmed over piece of crap. But thanks to the power of Tylenol, Benadryl, Ativan, and Dilaudid I feel just fine.
Seriously, we HAVE to make more strides in cancer medicine!!! It's terrible that the stuff to help us hurts us so much first. It's a horrible catch-22.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
I had been shivering all through the night and woke up feeling like a piece of crap...A warmed over piece of crap. But thanks to the power of Tylenol, Benadryl, Ativan, and Dilaudid I feel just fine.
Seriously, we HAVE to make more strides in cancer medicine!!! It's terrible that the stuff to help us hurts us so much first. It's a horrible catch-22.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Day -5 and -4
Wow yesterday was hard. I'm pushing soooo hard to not just breakdown everyday but yesterday I couldn't help it. I got a new chemo that's called Sytoxin (??). Doesn't that even sound nasty! I have to have a follie to go along with it too. *If you don't know what a follie is, look it up. I really don't feel like explaining it.
Yesterday, I was depressed... End of story. I did not write. I barely talked. This is really really hard. But I know I can get through it if I stay myself (which does not include depression).
Today however, I'm sullen, not depressed. But I have a great out for the afternoon. I'm getting two chemo's and with them I'm getting Benadryl every 6 hours.
Yesterday, I was depressed... End of story. I did not write. I barely talked. This is really really hard. But I know I can get through it if I stay myself (which does not include depression).
Today however, I'm sullen, not depressed. But I have a great out for the afternoon. I'm getting two chemo's and with them I'm getting Benadryl every 6 hours.
Goodbye....
I'm going to be like that Koala again.
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is out**
Friday, October 1, 2010
Day -6
I feel like crap. I feel just fine. I feel like crap. I feel just fine.
That was my day!!!
My days are getting harder now but at least it's my last day of Busulfane!!! Tomorrow I will start another chemo drug that hopefully won't wipe everything out of me. We'll see. I'm still exhausted so I will write more tomorrow.
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
That was my day!!!
My days are getting harder now but at least it's my last day of Busulfane!!! Tomorrow I will start another chemo drug that hopefully won't wipe everything out of me. We'll see. I'm still exhausted so I will write more tomorrow.
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Day -7
I'm sooooo over this already!!! My true/depressed feelings have started to kick in...Thank God for Ativan lol.
I have now had 12 rounds of intense chemotherapy. It is sooo taking a toll on my body even though I was able to get up and bike for a little while today. I did a bunch of window art but once that was done with, it was time to sleep. I had some kind of reaction so I had to take benadryl. It ran in my line for 15 minutes and I was knocked out by 16 minutes.
Now, I'm super drowsy and plan on going back to sleep so...
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
I have now had 12 rounds of intense chemotherapy. It is sooo taking a toll on my body even though I was able to get up and bike for a little while today. I did a bunch of window art but once that was done with, it was time to sleep. I had some kind of reaction so I had to take benadryl. It ran in my line for 15 minutes and I was knocked out by 16 minutes.
Now, I'm super drowsy and plan on going back to sleep so...
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Day -8
Today was soooo blurry. I jumped out of bed around 11 and just started going like a mad person. This is after the fact that I was completely unconscious for a good while. Before I had gone to sleep, I was given Keppra, a drug to prevent me from seizing but has a tendency to knock me out, and Ativan. Ativan is something us Cancer groupies like to call fun time. It puts me out in more ways than one. I was calling nurses telling them something was screaming...yes, my brain was screaming. I even talked to a few people that don't exist. My dreams had an old American Idol in them?!?! dilaudidandme.blogspot.com
Anyway, after I showered myself out of my stupor, I did a lot of YOGA! See, this idea seemed good to me at the time. The time being 12:20. I was getting intense chemotherapy at 12:30.
DO NOT EVER MIX YOGA AND BUSULFAN!!!
Once I stopped feeling disgusting, I got more Ativan and have been in bed ever since. I watched 2 episodes of The Boondocks and fell asleep through majority of the first one. Now I have on socks and am eating beef jerky.
Chemo+Yoga+Ativan=Mackenzi+Drool+Mush for Brain
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Day -9
Soooooo the counting has begun. Really, I should say that the count down has begun. What the minus numbers mean are the days left until my actual transplant. Today, just like the rest of the negative days, was really just for Chemo and build up.
First, my nurse drew 7 sets of labs (took blood) starting at 6 in the morning and going until 12 noon. It was awful just because of the sheer length of time. Other than that, I thank God for the invention of broviacs. Can you imagine being shot several times in a vein to give blood over 6 hours!
Next, this is when I finally woke up due to freakin Keppra, I had to step from my bed unto a scale. I get weighed twice a day now. Not really that big a deal but kinda intrusive. I also have to chart everything I eat and drink. It's conveniently tapped to my door but it's still soooo hard to remember to chart everything that goes in my mouth. Everyone knows I eat a ton.
Finally, I had nothing else to do but play Wii, paint, and watch tv. I know it sounds nice and chillaxed but really it's like being in a fancy prison. You get treated well but you're still stuck there for 5-10...years. But at least prisoners don't have to shoot things up their noses. The worst part of my day is the nasal spray. It's meant to prevent any sinus infections but really it just burns my nose raw and makes it drip yellow. Yeah, I know, TMI.
Now, I get to go to sleep and do it all again tomorrow. Woohoo.
BMT Babe is out**
First, my nurse drew 7 sets of labs (took blood) starting at 6 in the morning and going until 12 noon. It was awful just because of the sheer length of time. Other than that, I thank God for the invention of broviacs. Can you imagine being shot several times in a vein to give blood over 6 hours!
Next, this is when I finally woke up due to freakin Keppra, I had to step from my bed unto a scale. I get weighed twice a day now. Not really that big a deal but kinda intrusive. I also have to chart everything I eat and drink. It's conveniently tapped to my door but it's still soooo hard to remember to chart everything that goes in my mouth. Everyone knows I eat a ton.
Finally, I had nothing else to do but play Wii, paint, and watch tv. I know it sounds nice and chillaxed but really it's like being in a fancy prison. You get treated well but you're still stuck there for 5-10...years. But at least prisoners don't have to shoot things up their noses. The worst part of my day is the nasal spray. It's meant to prevent any sinus infections but really it just burns my nose raw and makes it drip yellow. Yeah, I know, TMI.
Now, I get to go to sleep and do it all again tomorrow. Woohoo.
BMT Babe is out**
Monday, September 27, 2010
I'm Moved In!
I am here!!!! The big scary transition to the hospital is done and over with. I am nicely situated in my room. I've hung up my posters: Beetles, Bob Marley, Johny Depp and Malcolm X. The only thing with the posters is they keep jumping off the walls. I love that these sticky things say they can hold the weight but after 20 minutes, Abbey Road is leaping from the wall. (As I am writing this, it fell on the floor again.) It's fine though. The room actually looks like a hospital themed dorm room lol!
The schedule is funky but not awful! Tomorrow I'm starting Chemo at 6 in the morning. Thank God I don't have to be awake for this to go down. This chemo--Busulfan goes over 2 hours every 6 hours for 4 days. The only concern with this drug is it can cause seizures but I'm also getting drugs (actually right now) to combat that too. After I get my chemo in the morning I think I'm going to shower since back here I have to shower everyday. I know that doesn't seem like it would be that strange but everything is soooo much more difficult with a broviac.
After my shower my day will probably be filled with yoga, jewelry making, watching tv and reading. My life is soooo interesting!!! I'll write about how my first day of Chemo goes.
Here's my road map (layout of chemo up until the bmt procedure):
Until Next Time, BMT Babe is Out**
The schedule is funky but not awful! Tomorrow I'm starting Chemo at 6 in the morning. Thank God I don't have to be awake for this to go down. This chemo--Busulfan goes over 2 hours every 6 hours for 4 days. The only concern with this drug is it can cause seizures but I'm also getting drugs (actually right now) to combat that too. After I get my chemo in the morning I think I'm going to shower since back here I have to shower everyday. I know that doesn't seem like it would be that strange but everything is soooo much more difficult with a broviac.
After my shower my day will probably be filled with yoga, jewelry making, watching tv and reading. My life is soooo interesting!!! I'll write about how my first day of Chemo goes.
Here's my road map (layout of chemo up until the bmt procedure):
Sunday, September 26, 2010
It's Sunday....
Soooooo I cried a little bit last night and some this morning but that's it...I think, I hope. It's almost 6 and I feel pretty good. I've packed up all my posters and disassembled my drums so I'm ready for the move I just have to make sure my brain is ready for it too.
Of course, I'm scared but I'm also pretty excited to just get it done and over with. I want everything to go well and quickly.
Hopefully, I won't die and I will be around for at least 50 more years. The upsetting part is I have to think about things like that. This is sooooo not fair for a 19 year old to deal with. I mean, I'll do it cause I'm awesome but I would like it better if I was just in my dorm room studying for the end of first block.
Whatever though. I'm sooooo passed the pity part. I just want to kick some ass and take some names and buy some more wigs lol.
Oh And, my wonderful next door neighbor has had Cancer 3 times. She has kept her faith and survived all of it. I think that is a sign. I feel better after talking to her. Plus, she's just a sweetheart. I at least know that I haven't used up all my strikes with almost dying. I was worried about that before. "Oh well, I survived it once, I don't know if I'm allowed to survived it multiple times." But now I don't really agree with that crazy reasoning lol. I promise, I'm not that insane all the time.
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
Of course, I'm scared but I'm also pretty excited to just get it done and over with. I want everything to go well and quickly.
Hopefully, I won't die and I will be around for at least 50 more years. The upsetting part is I have to think about things like that. This is sooooo not fair for a 19 year old to deal with. I mean, I'll do it cause I'm awesome but I would like it better if I was just in my dorm room studying for the end of first block.
Whatever though. I'm sooooo passed the pity part. I just want to kick some ass and take some names and buy some more wigs lol.
Oh And, my wonderful next door neighbor has had Cancer 3 times. She has kept her faith and survived all of it. I think that is a sign. I feel better after talking to her. Plus, she's just a sweetheart. I at least know that I haven't used up all my strikes with almost dying. I was worried about that before. "Oh well, I survived it once, I don't know if I'm allowed to survived it multiple times." But now I don't really agree with that crazy reasoning lol. I promise, I'm not that insane all the time.
Until next time, BMT Babe is out**
Friday, September 24, 2010
It's Finally Happening!
Soooooo I went to clinic on Wednesday and I am super duper healthy!!! Of course, besides the fact that I still have to go through with this stupid bone marrow transplant....
But I did gain a heap ton of weight!!! Only in this instance is that a good thing. All of those chips ahoy and pudding cups really paid off lol. I gained around 6 pounds in a week. That of course is good and bad again but right now, I will take it.
Ohhhhhhh I got my drum set!!!!!! It is beautiful. Dark purple wood with a bright silver snare. I'm in love with my full, legit drum set. No one knew how big it was going to be. It's huge! It was actually a musician's performance set that he was kind enough to donate to a little girl with Cancer. I will post pictures if I can figure out how. I'll also post a video (if that's possible) of my sick beats that make me sound like a pro lol. I'm actually pretty good at seeing a drummer and imitating what he does. I'm going to have such a good time playing in BMT now that my doc actually knows I'm bringing them back. I was just going to sneak them in and wait until he noticed them, but of course by then, it would be too late to take them away from me lol.
Until next time (probably Sunday night), BMT Babe is out**
But I did gain a heap ton of weight!!! Only in this instance is that a good thing. All of those chips ahoy and pudding cups really paid off lol. I gained around 6 pounds in a week. That of course is good and bad again but right now, I will take it.
Ohhhhhhh I got my drum set!!!!!! It is beautiful. Dark purple wood with a bright silver snare. I'm in love with my full, legit drum set. No one knew how big it was going to be. It's huge! It was actually a musician's performance set that he was kind enough to donate to a little girl with Cancer. I will post pictures if I can figure out how. I'll also post a video (if that's possible) of my sick beats that make me sound like a pro lol. I'm actually pretty good at seeing a drummer and imitating what he does. I'm going to have such a good time playing in BMT now that my doc actually knows I'm bringing them back. I was just going to sneak them in and wait until he noticed them, but of course by then, it would be too late to take them away from me lol.
NOW, the day is actually coming. I am being admitted to the hospital this Monday. Not next or 3 weeks from now, in 3 days!!!!! I really have no idea how to feel. I'm of course scared and nervous but I'm also just anxious to get it started and over with. I guess I don't have to assign a feeling to this moment in time. I'll just go with it. As long as I'm not crying my eyes out about my situation, I'm good! We'll just see how well I'm doing come Sunday night.
I think I can make it!
Until next time (probably Sunday night), BMT Babe is out**
Friday, September 17, 2010
Another week!
SOOOOO I'm at home for another week. This is of course good and bad. I am happy and annoyed.
I guess I get to eat more at home which is great. But I'm sooooo ready to get this over with it just might kill me...the anxiety that is, not the transplant lol.
Speaking of eating, I feel like a bear. Not a teddy but a legit brown bear in the forrest. Since I know I'm going to get shitty food in the hospital and have a sucky restricted diet, I'm eating EVERYTHING in sight.
I am preparing for hybernation lol. I'm packing on the pounds to sleep through the winter. This is a good plan I say. I ate a 13 oz pack of chips ahoy white and milk chocolate chip cookies in 2 days!
It was necessary =D
When I'm not eating during my time off, I think I will be turning into Ringo Starr. I'm getting a legit drum set tomorrow! I'm soooooo excited. I guess I will play until someone screams at me to stop. We'll see how that goes.
Until next time, BMT babe is out**
I guess I get to eat more at home which is great. But I'm sooooo ready to get this over with it just might kill me...the anxiety that is, not the transplant lol.
Speaking of eating, I feel like a bear. Not a teddy but a legit brown bear in the forrest. Since I know I'm going to get shitty food in the hospital and have a sucky restricted diet, I'm eating EVERYTHING in sight.
I am preparing for hybernation lol. I'm packing on the pounds to sleep through the winter. This is a good plan I say. I ate a 13 oz pack of chips ahoy white and milk chocolate chip cookies in 2 days!
It was necessary =D
When I'm not eating during my time off, I think I will be turning into Ringo Starr. I'm getting a legit drum set tomorrow! I'm soooooo excited. I guess I will play until someone screams at me to stop. We'll see how that goes.
Until next time, BMT babe is out**
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It Got Postponed
Soooo I've been waiting and waiting to write on my blog. I guess I'm nerdily excited to keep track of my thoughts and days for once. I wasn't going to start until I was admited for my Bone Marrow Transplant. That was suppose to be yesterday....It wasn't.
Sooooo I am suppose to get 2 cord bloods from Italy (I guess I have some Italian in me too). Italy, however, is too busy eating spagetthi (hopefully that's not too racist) to send both my cord bloods at the same time/in time for my admit date.
Soooo I will not be getting a Bone Marrow Transplant until next week. Which is a good and a bad thing. On one hand, I really really want to just get this over with and be on the other side to recovery already but on the other, I will enjoy and appreciate the extra time I have out. Whatever, everything happens for a reason. There is probably some cosmic reason why my transplant got pushed back a week. I bet I won't learn it till later but I know there is one.
Until next time, BMT babe is out**
Sooooo I am suppose to get 2 cord bloods from Italy (I guess I have some Italian in me too). Italy, however, is too busy eating spagetthi (hopefully that's not too racist) to send both my cord bloods at the same time/in time for my admit date.
Soooo I will not be getting a Bone Marrow Transplant until next week. Which is a good and a bad thing. On one hand, I really really want to just get this over with and be on the other side to recovery already but on the other, I will enjoy and appreciate the extra time I have out. Whatever, everything happens for a reason. There is probably some cosmic reason why my transplant got pushed back a week. I bet I won't learn it till later but I know there is one.
Until next time, BMT babe is out**
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